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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “really delusional”, he explains. You’re riding high and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often followed by a “crash”, where he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him highly sensitive to disapproval from those around him. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. But, he doubts he would have taken the label without having previously arrived at that understanding on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding The Condition

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception associated with the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a strategy of using people to seek admiration through actions such as seeking admiration,” the professor says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

While a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are men, studies suggests this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” notes an individual who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I either go into self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this response – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the negative conduct of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “maintain an agreement where I told him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models in her youth. “I’ve been learning continuously what is and is not appropriate to say in conflicts because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my household were criticizing me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be associated with early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual shares when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and career success, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: “They said it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the existence of online advocates and the expansion of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number